She is growing up!!

"She looks exactly like her father" I have heard this statement for number of times in last 3 months and after that I try to find him in her face. When she is sleeping I try to search his oh-so- familiar features. I never return empty handed. She truly is like him. And that's the reason I miss him badly when I am with her. The people who advised me to take a "chance" when he is away in field so that my separation will be easy, are extremely wrong. It's been almost a year we are leaving apart and never in my life have I missed him as much as I have in this year. Entire pregnancy period I spent thinking "How would it be if he was here with me" and wanting him more and more each passing day. I thought once the baby comes I won't even understand where the time is flying. I won't miss him as I will be busy in newly acquired Mommyhood.. But here this girl comes with all the traits from her baba and makes me think about him all the time. So I thought of writing for him. I want to tell him that there is not a single moment when I don't miss him. I want him to know how much I need him by my side and most of all, his girl is growing up!!

I remember how awkward he used to get around babies. I loved his honest confession that he didn't know what to do with them and I would tell him "You will know when you have your own." And he surely did. The moment he held our girl in his hands in hospital he was a different man altogether. He became "A Father".

A new girl entered in his life who immediately became centre of his universe. He used to quietly sit beside her and observe her every movement curiously. He had his own bunch of questions about her growth. I could see a child-like enthusiasm in my soldier. He used to look so proud when anybody said that she looks just like him. I am a hundred percent sure he has his plans ready for her.

He got to spend a month with her and he had every possible moment with her. (I am already out of priority list.) All that time he had only one question "when will she grow up?" He wanted to pick her up, laugh with her, cuddle her, play with her but could not. And now as she is doing all this, here I am hopelessly hoping somehow he could be here, with her, with us!!

"Dude, she is growing up!!" When she gives her good morning smile to me I wish you were here to see it. She laughs and giggles looking at her grandpa and chachu and it kills me to know it could have been you. She raises her hands and jumps at me I miss you real bad.

I know how badly you miss being with her. You see her growing up through pictures and videos (God bless the technology). Now we do not speak all lovey dovey on our calls, those are just about her. I love explaining all her activities to you. Sometimes I just feel so jealous of her because nowadays she gets all the attention from you. But can't help loving the father in you. I am falling in love with you all over again!!!

Come soon daddy dear your baby girl is growing up fast.. And both your girls are waiting to be with you!!

- Swati 😃

The Father!!

One fine morning, I came to know that my prego test is positive; everyone was in ecstatic mode but only he was as rational as me and was saying, first let's make it sure with the doctor. When it was confirmed then he just gave me a content smile that said it all and then he was continuously on the phone telling everybody about it..!!

For next 9 months he never let his shield down. It was like his only mission in life "my delivery"!! He never visited the doctor with me for monthly checkups, neither did he give me any suggestions nor he forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. But whatever the doctor advised for me he was always the first one to implement it. Be it fruits, fluids, medicines or dry fruits everything was available before it was even demanded. He forgotten to look after his health for the whole period. Everyone around me was being scolded for not listening to me or if I am told any household chores to do.

I was treated like a princess; because I am really a one for him; My dad!! Since childhood I am a little closer to him than my mom. Being his first girl I hold that special place in his heart. And now it was special.. He was going to become grand dad. The girl who used to run to him for every little thing was going to be a mother!! All he cared for was her safety and happiness.

We often read, write, express our feelings about mom. And moms are super expressive. They let you know their anger, happiness, worries everything right there. But fathers.. They are the ones carrying silent ranks when it comes to expressing things..

So is my papa.. He never expresses his worry for me but he be there to guide me and help me out of it. He is never vocal about how happy and excited he is but he makes sure that we enjoy the celebrations. He is always there by our side in all ups and downs!!

I know in my heart that when I was lying there on the operation table he was the one who was more worried for his baby than the coming one!! He made sure everything was in place for me n my baby. When me n my mom were in the hospital room he was sitting in the waiting area whole day long for 4 days. He had tears in his eyes when he saw my girl and I am sure he definitely remembered me as a baby.

It is more adorable to see him as a grand dad.. Now my place has been taken by my baby. He was so worried for her that he didn't hold her in his hands for safety sake. 😃 It is heart soothing to see him play with her, cuddle her. The happiness on his face is evident.. He can do anything for her and I am already jealous of her for winding my dad around her pinky..

But so is love of a Father. If we can not come in this world without a mother then we certainly can not survive here without a Father..!! I would really want to tell my baby girl from my experience, "Babe as long as you have your baba beside you, you really don't need to worry about anyone and anything in the world. He is the king who will always shield his princess no matter what!! You are blessed to have him!!"

- Swati 😃

Like Everyone Else But You!!

Ohh yeah.. Now as I sit calmly and look at my baby, there come stormin all those "expertise" remarks people around me made. It first started with the doctor herself.. As she took her out she said, "Oh it's a baby girl.." and when I was swimming in waves of utmost happiness here she comes with, "She has her father's nose" and then it all started.

To be frank, according to few early visitors, my baby has no feature from her mother or maternal side.. "She is a complete Kulkarni" this comment made me go "Awww, that's so sweet.." but in my mind I was saying, "Wait for few months buddy, all her maternal traits will definitely come out, I will make sure of that"  😂

My mom in law said, "Her hands n Feet are just like You" ohh so I get hands and feet.. Haha.. Score one.. But then comes my mom, my own mother saying "No no her fingers resembles his" and all I could react is, "You too Brutus!!" 😞
Someone said, "oh she has her Aunt's eyes", "by left angle she looks like her grandma", "her father was just like this when he was a baby" so on.. Seems no one remembers how I looked like when I was a baby.. One by one all the features, all her habits are taken away from me..!! 😃
Whatever she does resembles to someone in the family but me. Are I forgot, one thing I get, people think she is going to be super talkative just like her Mother.. 😃😃

But I have observed, whenever people meet a new mom in hospital or at home, there is always a competition going on.. "Guess the baby looks like whom? " And as it is a compulsion everybody pours in there valuable remarks. "Her lips shape is like her father, but her ears are like u" OK so you go in my good books buddy as u gave me ears.. And again it's a win win situation. But I really find it amusing how can people tell the resemblance with such tiny features. Ohh they must be gifted with a special vision and here I am, even after 30 years I can't tell who do I look like; mom or dad.. 😞 therefore I am always confused when I visit a new mom and they ask, "Kiske jaisa hai??" And I am at total loss.. Dude how can I tell?? Tum dono ka bachcha hai kisike jaisa to hoga hi.. But no.. There is always a hidden responsibility.. If you are father's friend then his mother is looking expectantly at you so you say baby looks like him.. and if you are mommy's friend, well then you have hear how the baby has its father's face. 😉

All said and done.. I ask myself.. Do I really feel bad when they say my baby resembles her father, grandma or great great grandmother.. So the honest answer is "NO, it actually does not matter who does she look like.. All that matters is, she is here and she is mine forever!!" 😍😘

I really want my girl to be like her father.. She should have his compassion, dedication and of course discipline (I am nowhere in competition for that), Understanding and forgiving nature of her grandmas, Devotion and honesty like her grandfathers, culinary skills like her aunts and for me... It is enough that She is all mine!! She is going to call mi Aai of all people and that's enough!! 😃

- Swati 😃

Happy Mother's Day to Me!!

Well till last year Mother's day for me was wishing my mom & mom in law on phone.. Reading posts and messages on FB, WA stating how Mothers are great.. Occasional hugs, saying I love u to my Aai.. But never did I realise what it really meant to be a mother.. Well till my baby girl arrived!!
Since today morning I m being wished "Happy Mother's Day" on every possible platform.. "Hey it's ur first Mother's day" "What did Gargi planned for mommy" (Well sleeping for stretch 4-5 hours would be a welcomed gift 😋)
But still all this is so new.. Being a mom.. Being subject of all those messages & posts which I used to read on FB and everywhere.. Tallying all those qualities with myself!! This surge is exciting.. Now whenever I read any mom-daughter quote my eyes are all teary.. I look at my baby n want to kiss her, cuddle her and hold her tight to me.. (but can't as there is a hidden fear that she might wake up.. 😉)
But now I have come to know practically what it takes to be a mother.. Sleepless nights (as for me Days too), dark circles, messy hair, aching back, craving hunger, bed covered with wipes, diapers, toys and what not!! But you know what NOTHING matters!! What matters the most is the precious bundle sleeping calmly between all this mess.. Who will give the best smile in the world when she is awake.. And that.. there goes the Best Mother's Day present ever!! 😃😇
That smile holds so many things.. It's like she knows me.. She trusts me.. She knows that I will be always there for her no matter what comes our way!! Wait.. this is what I feel about my mother!! This feeling is so mutual and universal.. She makes me complete.. She makes me A mother.. But above all she connects me with my Aai on a level only a Mother can understand.. I love her for this!!

Wishing all Moms a Very Happy Mother's Day.. You are precious.. You are World to someone!! Take care of yourselves!! As this is what I am going to tell my mother & mom in law!! 😇
Stay Happy Stay Blessed!!

- Swati 😃

Being a Mother!!!

That was the day when my world changed upside down.. Yes.. I was pregnant.. After all this time, when I was about to restart my life with some loose ends left behind, a brand new life was waiting for me! Then the 9 months were a journey much anticipated and amusing.. Each day started with a soft feeling that there is a life growing inside me. Though the feeling was not yet there.. Still every blood test, every sonography made me cross my fingers. I never knew I had these instincts in me. To my surprise, I badly wanted it to happen..
Being in a long distance relationship everytime I saw couples at the doctor's or at sonologist's place it left a hole in my heart. I used to feel that may be my husband is missing this precious connection with our little one.. He could not see the pleasure and anxiety on my face when prego test was positive.. He could not see that little blip in my tummy who would bear his name. He was not there when the blip moved for the first time. I used to get so depressed sometimes thinking that I am alone in all this. But then he would surprise me with some unexpected sweet gestures. He would let me know his presence.
And it was time.. The father arrived just in time to welcome our little one in this world. Doctor announced need of caesarean. I was a bit disappointed but of course it never mattered that much. I was all braced to endure all the pain to bring my baby in this world. I was in the OT, covered in all green, completely at doctor's mercy. So many needles were injected inside me. Catheter, BP monitors and what not.. Soothing voice of the doctor and seeing my hubby inside the OT was my relief points.. I concentrated hard on not to think about operation at all.. And within next 5-8 minutes it was there.. No not it "she" was there. My baby.. My princess.. All the 9 months, all the anxiety, all the pain was worth it. She is here.. All healthy n fine.
And at that moment a mother was born. She gave birth to a mother.!!

- Swati 😃